It feels like I started this behavior ages ago. The motion gives time that extra thrust; that fervor seems to make you want to move faster than humanly possible. There are countdowns-- or "looking forward to's"- we constantly keep in our minds. I'm saddled to the whims of Deans of departments and in that tricky space of wanting to speed things up without wishing part of my life away. For every instance I say I have control over my actions I'm facing all new circumstances that I never thought I’d be dealing with.
I'm making these days longer than they need to be. I'm filling them to keep the restlessness at bay. The constant reminders are welcomed with a grin disguised as a grimace. What's ahead of us is ours and only ours. I see the reeling and fear hidden in the messages sent. The words are mere veilities at this point in time. There's an action happening in us; its motion in us forces us to sleep off the distance. All the "wish you were here's" bring us closer to it. We’ve witnessed the failures of wishing. The perfection isn't attained by their ineptitude and naysaying.
We've rested in that sleepy haze, expressed our desires from their very centers, and now we have forced them into a form we have created. The truly unstructured days will cease when we realize what we’ve built.
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