new beginnings

as the school year comes to a close, i find that where i had recently passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow, my restlessness now has me tossing. four more days until the year becomes a thing of the past. in these four days i will give and receive the most innocent and genuine hugs of my life. i will then close up the classroom, packing away the lessons of my childhood and covering up the shelves i never thought would come back to me as they have. i will walk away with the pictures and letters as the only reminder. it's the simple times that i always seem to place myself in after a period of chaos. and it has once again wet my appetite for the tireless lifestyle that i was never quite finished with. each year is another move. and with each location, i find myself at the beginning, starting over. this is square one, again. only this time i may have found what i never knew i needed. maybe this is what was missing. maybe, together, we can create everything we ever wanted, that we tried for so long to convince ourselves we didn't.
the city and you.
revisited.

"I wouldn't trade one stupid decision for another five years of lies"

In a very short period of time (in the the grand scheme of things, that is) I have become enamored with the idea of amor fati. The idea that one must love their fate -- every second of it, not just the good times -- in order to truly live. All of our time spent toiling in the trivialities, the truly banal, have just as much weight as the real adventures of life. I guess it makes one realize just how much time is spent wasted on the the more assiduous aspects of existence.
This thought forces us to appreciate every moment that we would not only like to forget, but perhaps even omit from our memory wholesale. Every unbearable moment that fills you with complete dread has to be held with the same esteem as those moments you wished would go on ad infinitum. It sounds completely absurd, yet it is the only way to transcend those listless routines that create apathy amongst our peers.
When posed with the question of "If you had to re-live your life, without the ability to revise your past, would you welcome the idea or become filled with trepidation?". I felt the same umbrage that occurs with every funeral I have ever attended; that transient wake up call clamoring "You only get to go around once." This involuntarily forces us to realize how we have lived and brings forward the notions of not only embracing, but actually making your fate. Now that I am fully aware that it's up to me, will I embrace such a proposition or continue to inanely loll through life with an ever-growing wish list?