True Forms

The wonderful thing about incessant striving is that it constantly shifts to ensure unfailing movement. All stagnation can fizzle to an end through ulterior means or be stopped without an extrinsic force. That fire must be stoked often-- at the expense of everything you can afford to lose- and never allow it to be extinguished. I have had a bantam amount of eidolons in the past-- some fleeting, some lasting- and a few that were mere distractions from a boring, aimless waltz through certain areas of life. They all represent something I needed -- or at the least, thought I needed- to round out my life. The true forms of an anfractuous destination I thought would make me want to remain in that particular moment for all eternity.
Now I look to them to keep provoking a curiosity for all things unfamiliar. Whenever I feel that I have warranted some form of rest, as if I have earned the right due to my "setting the world on fire", they remind me that I am far from finished. I treat the nicknames with kid gloves, but continue to couch each statement with the name in mind. If we can't be intrepid with those we hold dear, we're the lowest ilk of coward. All the knowledge obtained throughout our days shows its ineffectual properties when we fail to act upon our inmost deprival.

Call It What You Will

I have always felt that unexplainable desire to investigate the larger gestures of life. The need to find that intangible occurrence that truly moves me. Those late nights lost their power after some time. I used to think they held the key to a major breakthrough that will leave me satisfied with some ultimate solution. The need to be satisfied has been replaced by the excitement of the actual search for it. There are so many ineffable aspects to life; so many things that remained unnamed or unspoken. When given the chance to say something we truly mean, we have to take full advantage of that opening and run with it. Every last one of us would profit from such candor, no matter the rejoinder to our averment. I have been given a chance to do just this and I welcome such the encounter with everything I have.
The notion of reverence has been peppering my thoughts for quite some time. Knowing that I still hold certain entities to be sacred has always kept me grounded and it has been essential to protect them from becoming trivial and picayune. It's been ages since I have done so with a person, but all of the emotions that it entails come back to me daily. Those small moments spent aching mirror that of the ache spent searching for the ultimate gesture of truth. All of our fleeting days should be spent trying to live within the domain of such Beauty. No matter what you call it, the connatural desire to keep it in your regard when making your way through the days ahead.

"Let these things fill your heart, vast as they are
And when you're entirely happy in that feeling
Then call it what you will:
Heart, Fortune, Love, or God!
I have no name for it.
Feeling is everything,
Names are sound and smoke
Obscuring heaven's glow."

- Faust, Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Life affirmative moments:

1. The National's "Fake Empire"
2. fresh Gruyere
3. salt air
4. cold brewed iced blackeyes
5. counting down the days
6. Stars "Take Me to the Riot" and all of the fist pumping madness it induces
7. re-watching The Sopranos from the beginning
8. quality time with Pops
9. Classic Stamos in all of his charming, salacious glory
10. planning trips to Austin & the Northeast and all that it entails

Dude, you're posing all over me.

I spent a week away and I have come to realize I don't miss this place that much. All of the time spent here can be easily forgotten and be packed away forever under the more disinterested sectors of the mind. The lack of tangible inspiration and unmerited "cool" amounts to nil for me. It's no wonder it all fell apart here: the lack of substantial soul has plagued this tract for ages. Who needs tastemakers when the tide ebbs and flows without reason or determination?
I fooled myself once into thinking things would be different in this chapter, with a new fire, and it all went belly up without much provocation. I have recently looked at the things I possess as tools for progress. We have to use each and every asset to create our position in life. This place it collecting dust while I can't sit still. Dust means safety. Playing it safe for the sake of preserving some semblance of contentment is no longer regarded in my process. Our current epoch is pocked with uncertainty and retreat. We will forever be castigated as a nation of cowards if we keep this up.
I'm finished with such notions. Perhaps this place does have a touch of inspiration after all: It has shown me how i do not want to live.

The Turnaround

A lengthy discussion of past afflictions and future endeavors opened us up. We split from all former calamities and became fully aware that we have to become the fiery "dolphin-like" beasts we know we can be. We had it once, that burning appetence, and we know how to restart it's infirmed engine. All things considered, we're stronger now than ever. Inert no more, my friend. We have overcome more than we'd ever imagined. Those scared little boys huddled in the basement have grown up to realize the lessons taught by every action. Nothing will remain tacit, whether it is fortunate or formidable, its genius will no longer be dumbed down out of human fear or respect. Everything we own will be earned by fearless ardency we never knew existed within us.